Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
