Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
