It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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