How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
