We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
