Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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