hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
