do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
