Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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