I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
