Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
