If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
