they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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