I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
