I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
