Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
