He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His hands were made for my vagina.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
