maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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