I smell stomach acid.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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