shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
