im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
