I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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