is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
