i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
