This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
