Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I AM VODKA MAN
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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