Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
