I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
