I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
