So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
