This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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