I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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