what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
