: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
