no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
