I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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