In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
