i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
