Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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