Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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