OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do vagina's smell?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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