nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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