yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
