I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
