youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
