Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
