I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
