Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
