my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
