so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
