just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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