i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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