You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
