it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
