I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
