If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's never too late to be topless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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