I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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