it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
