I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
