How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my vagina is haunted
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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