God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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