I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
