I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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