He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
