I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize