How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize