I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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