and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
