I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
