You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
