ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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