I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
