Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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