she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
