Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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