can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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