my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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