where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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