I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
