just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
