You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
