and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
