this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
