love makes seman taste better
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
