High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
