It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
