everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
