Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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